Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay topic: 

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Thanks to the innovation in healthcare services, humans’ life expectancy has been prolonged. However, I believe that retirement age advisedly remain intact rather than being extended due to the likelihood of aging-associated issues and graduate unemployment involved.

To begin with, there are undoubtedly a variety of age-related problems that should not be overlooked. It is undeniable that the older people are, the more likely they are able to struggle with serious physical ailments. Cardiovascular and Alzheimer’s disease, for instance, are not uncommon amongst elderly citizens. Additionally, to a certain age, people no longer possess the necessary energy and enthusiasm for labour that they used to have. Indeed, they would rather spend their time with their descendants after devotion for their jobs for years. As such, the deterioration in those physical and intellectual factors begets the reduction in accuracy and productivity. Briefly, working efficiency is not guaranteed if people continue to work to a longer age.

Equally importantly, another drawback of raising the retirement age is the exacerbation of joblessness amongst young people after their degrees. There is no denying that the today’s job market is becoming increasingly competitive and securing a position seems to be challenging to any newly graduates. Capitalising on experienced seniors, in fact, is more economical to employers as it reduces their on-the-job training courses for young recruits. However, this leads to the substantial rise in the number of younger applicants out of work irrespective of their knowledge and passion for work. Accordingly, the extension in retirement age will deprive the young of career opportunities.

All things considered, increasing the retirement age has a negative impact on not only old individuals themselves but also the younger generations. Thereby it is more reasonable to maintain the current one.

Sentence: There is no denying

Sentence: There is no denying that the today's job market is becoming increasingly competitive and securing a position seems to be challenging to any newly graduates.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a noun, singular, adverbial, genitive
Suggestion: Refer to the and today's

flaws:
Sentence Length SD: 4.526 7.5

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 8.0 out of 9
Category: Excellent Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 290 350
No. of Characters: 1601 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.127 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.521 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.132 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 129 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.526 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.283 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.494 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5