English Studio Pare: In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing steadily. Do you think its is a positive or negative change to the society.

Essay topic:

In many countries, the proportion of older people is increasing steadily. Do you think its is a positive or negative change to the society.

It is true that there has been a growing concern about the increasing number of the elderly in several nations across the world. While many people argue that this trend means better living standards as well as increased life expectancy which are positive signals, others believe that it is problematic. Personally, I agree with the latter idea for certain reasons.

To begin with, a potential negative impact of an old society is a crisis of labour. The fact remains that if senior citizens account for a large proportion of the society, the workforce will be affected in terms of quantity and quality. The elderly is generally regarded as a burden to family, putting high pressure on working people. Therefore, people have to work harder and they will feel a sense of unfairness which may lead to the deterioration of work effectiveness. Furthermore, factory owners are likely to find themselves in search of foreign workers. This, in turn, possibly contributes to the upsurge of illegal migration which brings many grave consequences to a nation.

In addition, higher public expenditure is another widespead worry. Obviously, old-aged pensioners rely on social welfare from the governments. More financial support is required as old people are on increase. Besides, due to numerous health problems of the elderly, more modern and well-equipped hospitals need constructing and the state budget for other alarming issues will decline. Admittedly, education, environmental contamination, tourism industry are equally important in comparison with public healthcare. This bias, to some extent, results in social instability, causing confusion in the authorities.

In conclusion, although higher rate of old people has its own validity, I firmly hold the view that the shortcomings should not be overlooked. Hence, the governments should pay further attention to this contentious issue for the sake of the whole society.

Sentence: While many people

Sentence: While many people argue that this trend means better living standards as well as increased life extectancy which are positive signals, others believe that is is problematic.
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to is and is

Sentence: The elderly is generally reagarded as a burden to family, putting high pressure on working people.
Error: reagarded Suggestion: regarded

Sentence: Obviously, old-aged pensioners rely on social wellfare from the governments.
Error: wellfare Suggestion: welfare

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.015 0.07

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 299 350
No. of Characters: 1578 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.158 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.278 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.868 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.02 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.264 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.477 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.015 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5